Oh how I miss the days I could lazily wonder through the house or catch up on tv shows. I miss the naps. I miss the kids at the school. Today, most of all, I missed the rain. It has just felt like a day that I would have loved to stare out the window at drops of water cascading down to meet the dormant grass below. I missed the puddles that echo the sky above like a gentle reminder from God quietly whispering "Look up". I miss the rolling thunder that talks to the earth as if to say "come play with me". I really just missed it all today
People think I am strange because I love rainy days. Don't misunderstand me though. I love to stand outside with my face in the sun and just soak every second in like a tulip in the first morning light. I stretch and I smile and I enjoy it all. Just, more days than not...I love a big gray cloud in there somewhere.
So with all those sweet little dandelion thoughts that just bloomed out of no where, I will tell you that I have been super stressing work. I feel myself getting caught up in piddly things. I don't like this decision, and I don't like being left out of that situation, and I definitely don't like the ripple effect I am feeling all around me. Then, my soul quiets down and I hear God's sweet hum of a whisper...."Look up" but there are no puddles to remind me...just a sweet moment. He tells me that the ripple may be all around me but it isn't me. It isn't my ripple. Be patient. Be strong. Be still! Let the world ripple.
I think so often we maybe the rock next to the rock that started the ripple. No matter what that rock is at the bottom of the lake. The ripple never touches it, never sways it, it never moves. The rock does not care. It's foundation is firm. It will lay here until it is time to move on and no little series of waves can even disturb the rock. It is solid. I have decided to be the rock.
Pretty soon my dynamic at work will change. I have been very nervous over that (I personally detest change and dealing with new people....you just never know when that bad piece of chocolate is going to pop out of the box and ruin your day..you know the one I am talking about...its why you eat 32 halves before you decide to risk that one piece may not be in there. Tonight, I attended a school board meeting. R-I-P-P-L-E ... NO, TSUNAMI effect!! These parents were HOT. I heard the same lame excuses come out of their mouths that I breathed a year and a half ago. Suddenly, I realized....I am THAT person...THAT parent that everyone hates to have around in moments like these. I won't go into detail...I will only alleviate you mind to know that I did not speak. I did not tell these people that kids are resilient, or that they are going to deal with it fine, or that the biggest obstacle was the PARENTS....no...I stayed quiet and ate my crow. Tomorrow, I will be writing a letter of apology to the superintendent for acting like these people. For losing my ever-loving mind over absolute non-sense, and for using my children to justify my unspeakable fear of change and inconvenience.
Then, like a tornado on the Nebraska plains...it hit me...I was still that person, just now I have a different focus. I decided to follow Exod 14:14 (Scripture is almost magical when the numbers repeat to me....like a little smiley face in the bible perfectly placed by God) and know that I have no battle to fight. I just stand still among the ripples, steadfast, letting God do his thing...no worry....no anxiety....no stress....just me, my spreadsheets, my headphones and the Frozen soundtrack....living like Olaf in the summer!!